It’s good to give the ol’ noggin a break every now and then - you can’t constantly be thinking shower thoughts; like how making a typo in an online argument is the equivalent of your voice cracking in a verbal argument. Or the fact that the only part of your reflection you can lick is your tongue! And that if you had an identical twin, and they got plastic surgery, it would be hard not to feel a little insulted…
Uggghhhh, what are you doing here so early? Why is it so bright out? I feel like I just crawled out of a coffin!
What day is it? Thursday?? Nooo, why did I have so many jagerbombs last night? I feel like I’m dead. I WISH I was dead!
I don't know about you, but I don't particularly want to find this cat. It'll probably try and lick my eyeballs or something weird like that. Maybe the owner lost it on purpose... Can you tell I'm a dog person yet?
Heyyy! Who are you calling a b*ggering old tw*t!? Why I oughta…
That’s honestly one of the more…creative…insults I’ve heard. I just call people a w*nker and move on with my day but you seem to have hit the lottery!
Roses are red
Foxes are clever,
I like your butt
Let me touch it forever
How was that?
Okay fine, how’s this?
Roses are red
Violets are yellow
I’m hoping this poem will get me a fellow
Ahh f*** it. Poetry is haaaard!!
Big cats get very hungry. Who can blame 'em if they nibble a human hand or two? Satiate your appetite for writing with this funny and only slightly threatening I Eat People notebook.